Law school vs Doctorate

Dear Cinzia,

A year ago, I was so sure I would go to law school. It is my childhood dream, and I know I can still do it, despite being married, working, and busy. I was already studying for LSAT, but then...

Just this August, I decided to do my Doctorate. (It could mean goodbye to law school for life, or I'll see you when I am older.) You are the reason I made this decision. With law school, I have to be away from you every night. I could not tutor you nor read to you before you go to bed at night. With your speech delays in the past and needed therapies, I could not afford to make the situation worse. I am your mom, and God gave you to me to take care of, nurture, love, and give my attention to. You are my asset, investment, responsibility, my darling. I would do disservice to you and God, had I decided to go to law school.

With my online doctoral program, I could still be home and start studying and researching at 8pm when you fall asleep. I could still tend to your needs after school hours. I want to spend time with you, anyway. I want to be there for you. You may not express that you need me, but at five, yes, I know in my heart you need me. I want you to grow up intelligent, confident, God-fearing, loving, disciplined, and determined. Only a mom, with the help of God, can show that to you. Papa works long hours, and he cannot be home early for you. I have to step up, and sacrifice my dream for you. It is okay. You are surely important to me, and I do not want to regret later. I want to do my best in parenting. I want to give my best for you. Law school can wait.

I love you, Cinzia. I was born for you.

Love, Mama

What a week!

I am officially overwhelmed. These are the hats I wear:

1. Mother - Although Mama is here, I am still Cinzia's caregiver. I teach, bathe, feed, and read to her after school.

2. Student - I am in a doctoral program. Demanding.

3. Teacher - It has been 5 years, and I am having a tough class this year.

4. Wife - still taking care of my emotional health because I cannot put all the pressure and emotions on my husband.

So help me God.