Friday, September 23, 2016

Law school vs Doctorate

Dear Cinzia,

A year ago, I was so sure I would go to law school. It is my childhood dream, and I know I can still do it, despite being married, working, and busy. I was already studying for LSAT, but then...

Just this August, I decided to do my Doctorate. (It could mean goodbye to law school for life, or I'll see you when I am older.) You are the reason I made this decision. With law school, I have to be away from you every night. I could not tutor you nor read to you before you go to bed at night. With your speech delays in the past and needed therapies, I could not afford to make the situation worse. I am your mom, and God gave you to me to take care of, nurture, love, and give my attention to. You are my asset, investment, responsibility, my darling. I would do disservice to you and God, had I decided to go to law school.

With my online doctoral program, I could still be home and start studying and researching at 8pm when you fall asleep. I could still tend to your needs after school hours. I want to spend time with you, anyway. I want to be there for you. You may not express that you need me, but at five, yes, I know in my heart you need me. I want you to grow up intelligent, confident, God-fearing, loving, disciplined, and determined. Only a mom, with the help of God, can show that to you. Papa works long hours, and he cannot be home early for you. I have to step up, and sacrifice my dream for you. It is okay. You are surely important to me, and I do not want to regret later. I want to do my best in parenting. I want to give my best for you. Law school can wait.

I love you, Cinzia. I was born for you.

Love, Mama



What a week!

I am officially overwhelmed. These are the hats I wear:

1. Mother - Although Mama is here, I am still Cinzia's caregiver. I teach, bathe, feed, and read to her after school.

2. Student - I am in a doctoral program. Demanding.

3. Teacher - It has been 5 years, and I am having a tough class this year.

4. Wife - still taking care of my emotional health because I cannot put all the pressure and emotions on my husband.

So help me God.


Thursday, March 03, 2016

2016 goals

Let me remind myself of my goals this year. No wonder I have been unmotivated, unenergetic lately. I needed reminders!

In random order... my personal goals are:

1. Take the LSAT. Score should be 150+  (October)
2. Pay off most of credit card debt. (by August)
3. Finish clear credential program (May)
4. lose 10 pounds (December)


Doable? Yes. Realistic? Yes. I can do this!


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2016 goals

Hello, I was looking for the list of my 2015 goals, and I actually had none! That was not very me, but I guess this year is pretty good and rough as well.

Half of 2015 was a struggle in our marriage. Alex and I were trying to understand each other, and it was a grueling process. Thank you, Jesus, we were able to overcome those trials. I can only glorify Jesus in this. I have worked on my attitudes towards certain things. I am more intentional with my reactions towards situations.

I overcame my feelings with my ex. Thank God! No more flashbacks, no more awkwardness! Yay! He's still single, and it's his fault! bwahahahaa!

I took the LSAT, and my score was non-stellar. I have to make it better to guarantee admission to law schools.

Cinzia is really getting better in her speech and peer interaction. I praise God for that!

I went to Bahamas! and GC session! Wohooooo!

Here are my goals or 2016 (in random order):

1. Be a better wife and mom
2. Improve my LSAT score
3. Get admitted to a law school
4. Start law school
5. Complete 6 units of credential classes
6. Get closer to God

2016, I am ready!

November 17 --- Mama's here!!!





False positive

Three weeks ago, I thought I was pregnant. I tested on 3 different days, and they all tested ++, although the lines are not as strong as they should be. My friends said, positive is positive. My hcg level was high enough to get detected by these different brands of pregnancy tests. The 3rd one was even digital, and it said the P word!




Well, that week I was internalizing the fact that I was, indeed, pregnant. However, that Saturday, I bled - for just a day! It seemed like my first day of my period, but it only lasted for a day. Strange! Monday the week after, I went to see my OB, and it was confirmed that I am not pregnant. Her clinic drew blood from me, and she also did an ultrasound. My hcg level was 2, meaning I am not pregnant at all. 

What did I feel about this? Sad. Riiiggghhhttt, Alex and I are not really trying, but personally, I would like to get pregnant now than later. We have not closed the oven officially, and if we do not, I know I am going to get pregnant later. As an evidence, Cinzia was a condom baby. This supposed "pregnancy" was also a product of natural birth control. I am going to get pregnant, if we do not go through vasectomy or tie my tubes. Sigh**

Anyway, I am great. I do not feel sad anymore. Whatever God's will is...

Monday, November 02, 2015

My current life (in random order)

Six units of graduate courses (to renew my state credential)
Law school applications
Church responsibilities - AY Leader, SS teacher, Social Committee member
Teaching job - 23 kids, 9 are ELL
Mother of Cinzia
Wife of Alex
Mom is coming on Nov 17th!
Major house organization
Part-time income-generator

So help me God.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

What a year!

Hello.

This year has been really trying and insightful as well. It's all about improving myself as a mother, wife, person, and God's daughter.

As I said previously, Alex and I went to marriage counselling, and we did 11 sessions. They were helpful. I am not going to dig into details what happened, but here's one thing I need to work on to make this marriage work: Don't be hot-tempered. I have to deliberately choose not to get irked on small things. It's not worth it. Alex has his own things to work on as well. We have been making progress. Things don't change overnight. Because of this, Alex and I decided not to plan on the 2nd baby. We have to strengthen ourselves first.

I also attended parenting workshops. I needed to learn how to become a better parent. I realized prior to the workshops that parenting is not naturally for me, so I needed this help. I admire those who can cruise parenting. It is not easy for me. The workshops were helpful. They talked about discipline, obedience, etc. and related the topics with the Bible.

Cinza is 4 now! She has grown so big, and it is unbelievable. She can converse now and express herself well. She had summer school for 5 weeks, and completed 14 swimming sessions. She loved both. Now I just have to teach her how to read and write. This is a mom's job.

Right now, Cinzia and I have been bonding all over the place. She is a sweet and cheerful girl. I love her so much.

I have also met new friends this year. They are trustworthy and godly friends. Marissa, for one, arrived from Philippines 4 months ago, and she is very nice. She came with me to Idaho on a road trip. She has an inspiring story. Another friend from church is Rowena. She is a divorcee from UK. She is very girly, and we connect on so many levels. Both these girls are caring and God-fearing. I hope our friendship flourishes.

Here's a toast for a good year! There are 5 more months til December! It's fast!




Thursday, January 29, 2015

Happy New Year!

It's the end of the first month of the year, and yes, happy new year to you! I did not get a chance to update you when the year started. So many things are going on.

********

Cinzia already had two baby sitters this year. She started off with this lady who is also taking care of my co-teacher's son, but then after 2 weeks, she said it was too much for her to take care of two toddlers. Then we met Delia, a lady who lives 5 mins from my school. Alex likes her. Cinzia is with her now 5x a week, and we pay her $120 a week. It was a little too much for me because Cinzia only stays with her until 12:30 p.m. when her school bus picks her up. I pick her up every afternoon.

Cinzia has improved a lot since she started getting therapy. Her vocabulary and speech are very good. She is more expressive now. I spend more time with her now too. I quit all my tutoring engagements last year to spend more time with her. Now, she is happier, we're closer, and I am also happy that I spend more time with her.

********

Marriage? It's still in the works. Alex and I have been going to a marriage counselor since the year started. I am not ashamed to say that. We really needed help so we'd understand each other more. Marriage is not easy, and there are so many changes going on in the union. Some of them are good, some not so good. Our experiences in the past 7 years have taken a toll on us. We are trying to be better in marriage because we still love each other, and we have a lovely daughter who does not deserve a broken family.

********

Dreams? I am currently reviewing for the LSAT. I will be taking it in June. I want to start this fall at LaVerne Law School. The only thing I am concerned about is the change my absence every night will affect our family life. Cinzia needs me. It is just different when moms are at home taking care of the kids.

*******

I have changed. The Rica when I was 24 is not the same Rica at present. I know myself more now. I realized I am not a homebody. I like going out to hang out with friends, watch the sunset, drive around, or just see new places. I like being busy. I am also not a house wife material. Sure, I like my house organized and clean. I do the house chores, I take care of Cinzia, but I also like to work, earn money, reach my full potential. And if someone hired can clean my house, that would be really great. At work, I need to be challenged. I am not learning anything new at my job. (My kids are learning, but I am not.) I also need growth.

I realized there are only two goals one should have: serve God in any way (dynamic church, sing praises, and worship Him anywhere) AND have fun in life (travel, study, laugh, hang out with friends).

*******

I hope this year will be a productive and eventful year for my marriage, for me personally, and for Cinzia.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

5 Things That Cause Us to Drift Spiritually (crosswalk.com)

1)  An Out-of-Control Schedule.
Ephesians 5:16
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
One of Satan’s greatest weapons against our generation seems to be his ability to make good people busier than ever before. We so often sacrifice the best things in life by spending time doing things that are just “pretty good.”
If you desire to walk closely with God, you will absolutely, necessarily have to begin by taking a close look at your calendar. It is likely that you are currently doing too much. And it is also likely that your overly hectic schedule is affecting your relationship with God. So take out your pruning shears and begin to cut out any activities you can that will allow you to focus more time on your relationship with your Creator.
2)  Misplaced Affections
1 John 2:15
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
Be careful not to set your heart on things that really don’t matter. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen good people lured away from church life because they have fallen in love with things or activities that have no eternal merit. For example, children’s sports can certainly be a thrilling activity for your kids to pursue. But if those sports begin to adversely affect the spiritual involvement and development of your family, then pull the plug immediately.
3)  Discouragement
During the past couple decades that I have served as a pastor, I have often watched Satan using his weapon of discouragement to drag people away from spiritual activities. I have seen it many more times than I can number.
When the trials of life cause a person to become discouraged, he often begins focusing on those problems and takes his eyes off of Christ. It reminds me of when Peter walked on the water. He did great until he took his eyes off of Jesus and began looking at the waves beneath him and the clouds above him.
It is important for you to know that when life’s clouds grow dark and your trials become fierce, that is the time to run TO Jesus and not FROM Him.
4)  Abundance
1 Timothy 6:10
For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
We Americans are so fat with our own prosperity that we often make wealth our god and not the true King of heaven. This has also been a recurring theme throughout the entire Bible. People struggle, God blesses them, they become prosperous, and then they depart from God. Ironic, isn’t it?
The chances are great that you probably do not feel like you are prosperous. But the reality is that nearly all Americans are extremely blessed and have more abundance than the vast majority of the population of the planet. If you are an American, you are most likely already a “One-Percenter” (wealthier than 99% of the world’s population).
People of abundance often choose recreation over worship. Why go to church if you could be out golfing, boating, camping, or going to movies or sporting events?
Satan wants us to be prosperous, because our prosperity and abundance often lure us away from our Creator.
5)  Parasitic Sins
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
Many people begin to drift away from God, because they have sins in their lives that cause them to feel guilt when they show up at church. And they feel reluctant to pray or read their Bible when they know they have these issues in their lives.
Recently, I stumbled upon the most revolting video I’ve ever seen (through my Facebook news feed). The video showed an eye surgeon removing a parasite from a human eye. I won’t go into detail. That brief description alone is enough to send chills down the spines of many. All I can say is that the video was even worse than what you’re thinking right now!
When I watched that video, it dawned on me that many people have sins in their lives that are damaging them just like parasites in one’s body. And those sins will almost certainly affect your spiritual vision.
The solution here is not to run/drift from God. The key is to confess your sin to God who will restore you and make you whole again (1 John 1:9)!
How have you done in your journey with God over the past year or the past few months? Have you drifted? Now is the time to return. Call out to God before you are so far from the shore than you lose all sense of spiritual direction.