Saturday, February 24, 2018


This is so sad because my last post was 1.5 years ago. I have become delinquent. I want to go back to blogging again because this is one of the ways I get to be in tune with myself. I get to talk to myself and express my innermost feelings. So many blessings and trials came since 1.5 years ago. I hope they all made me a better and wiser person. Maybe they did, maybe they did not.

1. Being a mom

Motherhood is hard. It has been a bittersweet experience for me because there were times I did not want to be with her, and there were times I missed her so much. My immaturity and unreadiness to be a mom sometimes overpowered me. I do love Cinzia so much. I just feel like sometimes I am not enough and I feel guilty for that. I read that many moms feel this way - that we are not enough. She is in Kindergarten now and has bloomed to be a fun-loving, playful, hardworking, beautiful girl. She has become my priority. There are times that I mess up as a mom, and I make not-so-wise decisions in dealing with her, but I think that is part of motherhood. God gave me to Cinzia and vice-versa, including our weaknesses and mistakes. This fact alone comforts me. Cinzia is for me, and I for her.

Baby no. 2? Everybody is asking. Well, I do not know. Alex and I are controlling because (maybe) we do not want another one. However, the oven is not officially closed yet. Sometimes, I want to have another one. I know deep inside my heart it is not good for Cinzia to be the only child. Honestly, pregnancy and giving birth scare me. I feel that I am not strong enough for this kind of endeavor. Who knows? We shall see.

2. Being a wife

We are going to celebrate our 10th anniversary this September! I am excited, actually. I just want to thank God for everything He has given us. Alex and I went through so much in the past 10 years. Our 10 years of togetherness are worthy of celebration and thanksgiving. To be honest with you, I messed up big time as a wife. Maybe I held too much expectation for myself. But I know God forgives me, Alex forgives me, so I have to forgive myself too. Alex and I are one, despite whatever we're going through.

3. Being a student

I decided to pursue Doctorate studies, instead of going to law school (As I said, Cinzia is the priority). It has been keeping me busy. I have been getting As, then Bs, and then this last quarter, INC. This is not the Rica I know. I am going to try harder again.

4. Being a teacher

7th year now! Wohoo! I still enjoy it. They moved me to 6th grade. I am planning to get to year 10 before I change jobs for the better. I am certain my Doctorate will pave ways.

5. Church life

Now that my dad is here, we have started going to Glendale Filipino. It is a great church. I like their pastor and members. Mama and Papa want to transfer their membership there. Alex still goes to Garden Grove and Burbank, and so I am not ready to move my membership there. I still long for the day Alex, Cinzia, and I could go to one church.

6. Travel

Travel is a big part of me. Last year, I went to London and Amsterdam. It was a great experience. This year, I am not going overseas. We plan on going to Disneyland this Spring Break (for Cinzia) and Chicago (for a teacher's conference). I plan on taking Cinzia with me to Chicago and road trip around the city. We are also getting ready for the big 10th renewal.

Now, that I have shared with you my innermost thoughts and feelings, I feel better. Thanks for being there, blog. It has been 13 years. Wow.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Law school vs Doctorate

Dear Cinzia,

A year ago, I was so sure I would go to law school. It is my childhood dream, and I know I can still do it, despite being married, working, and busy. I was already studying for LSAT, but then...

Just this August, I decided to do my Doctorate. (It could mean goodbye to law school for life, or I'll see you when I am older.) You are the reason I made this decision. With law school, I have to be away from you every night. I could not tutor you nor read to you before you go to bed at night. With your speech delays in the past and needed therapies, I could not afford to make the situation worse. I am your mom, and God gave you to me to take care of, nurture, love, and give my attention to. You are my asset, investment, responsibility, my darling. I would do disservice to you and God, had I decided to go to law school.

With my online doctoral program, I could still be home and start studying and researching at 8pm when you fall asleep. I could still tend to your needs after school hours. I want to spend time with you, anyway. I want to be there for you. You may not express that you need me, but at five, yes, I know in my heart you need me. I want you to grow up intelligent, confident, God-fearing, loving, disciplined, and determined. Only a mom, with the help of God, can show that to you. Papa works long hours, and he cannot be home early for you. I have to step up, and sacrifice my dream for you. It is okay. You are surely important to me, and I do not want to regret later. I want to do my best in parenting. I want to give my best for you. Law school can wait.

I love you, Cinzia. I was born for you.

Love, Mama

What a week!

I am officially overwhelmed. These are the hats I wear:

1. Mother - Although Mama is here, I am still Cinzia's caregiver. I teach, bathe, feed, and read to her after school.

2. Student - I am in a doctoral program. Demanding.

3. Teacher - It has been 5 years, and I am having a tough class this year.

4. Wife - still taking care of my emotional health because I cannot put all the pressure and emotions on my husband.

So help me God.

Thursday, March 03, 2016

2016 goals

Let me remind myself of my goals this year. No wonder I have been unmotivated, unenergetic lately. I needed reminders!

In random order... my personal goals are:

1. Take the LSAT. Score should be 150+  (October)
2. Pay off most of credit card debt. (by August)
3. Finish clear credential program (May)
4. lose 10 pounds (December)

Doable? Yes. Realistic? Yes. I can do this!

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2016 goals

Hello, I was looking for the list of my 2015 goals, and I actually had none! That was not very me, but I guess this year is pretty good and rough as well.

Half of 2015 was a struggle in our marriage. Alex and I were trying to understand each other, and it was a grueling process. Thank you, Jesus, we were able to overcome those trials. I can only glorify Jesus in this. I have worked on my attitudes towards certain things. I am more intentional with my reactions towards situations.

I overcame my feelings with my ex. Thank God! No more flashbacks, no more awkwardness! Yay! He's still single, and it's his fault! bwahahahaa!

I took the LSAT, and my score was non-stellar. I have to make it better to guarantee admission to law schools.

Cinzia is really getting better in her speech and peer interaction. I praise God for that!

I went to Bahamas! and GC session! Wohooooo!

Here are my goals or 2016 (in random order):

1. Be a better wife and mom
2. Improve my LSAT score
3. Get admitted to a law school
4. Start law school
5. Complete 6 units of credential classes
6. Get closer to God

2016, I am ready!

November 17 --- Mama's here!!!

False positive

Three weeks ago, I thought I was pregnant. I tested on 3 different days, and they all tested ++, although the lines are not as strong as they should be. My friends said, positive is positive. My hcg level was high enough to get detected by these different brands of pregnancy tests. The 3rd one was even digital, and it said the P word!

Well, that week I was internalizing the fact that I was, indeed, pregnant. However, that Saturday, I bled - for just a day! It seemed like my first day of my period, but it only lasted for a day. Strange! Monday the week after, I went to see my OB, and it was confirmed that I am not pregnant. Her clinic drew blood from me, and she also did an ultrasound. My hcg level was 2, meaning I am not pregnant at all. 

What did I feel about this? Sad. Riiiggghhhttt, Alex and I are not really trying, but personally, I would like to get pregnant now than later. We have not closed the oven officially, and if we do not, I know I am going to get pregnant later. As an evidence, Cinzia was a condom baby. This supposed "pregnancy" was also a product of natural birth control. I am going to get pregnant, if we do not go through vasectomy or tie my tubes. Sigh**

Anyway, I am great. I do not feel sad anymore. Whatever God's will is...

Monday, November 02, 2015

My current life (in random order)

Six units of graduate courses (to renew my state credential)
Law school applications
Church responsibilities - AY Leader, SS teacher, Social Committee member
Teaching job - 23 kids, 9 are ELL
Mother of Cinzia
Wife of Alex
Mom is coming on Nov 17th!
Major house organization
Part-time income-generator

So help me God.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

What a year!


This year has been really trying and insightful as well. It's all about improving myself as a mother, wife, person, and God's daughter.

As I said previously, Alex and I went to marriage counselling, and we did 11 sessions. They were helpful. I am not going to dig into details what happened, but here's one thing I need to work on to make this marriage work: Don't be hot-tempered. I have to deliberately choose not to get irked on small things. It's not worth it. Alex has his own things to work on as well. We have been making progress. Things don't change overnight. Because of this, Alex and I decided not to plan on the 2nd baby. We have to strengthen ourselves first.

I also attended parenting workshops. I needed to learn how to become a better parent. I realized prior to the workshops that parenting is not naturally for me, so I needed this help. I admire those who can cruise parenting. It is not easy for me. The workshops were helpful. They talked about discipline, obedience, etc. and related the topics with the Bible.

Cinza is 4 now! She has grown so big, and it is unbelievable. She can converse now and express herself well. She had summer school for 5 weeks, and completed 14 swimming sessions. She loved both. Now I just have to teach her how to read and write. This is a mom's job.

Right now, Cinzia and I have been bonding all over the place. She is a sweet and cheerful girl. I love her so much.

I have also met new friends this year. They are trustworthy and godly friends. Marissa, for one, arrived from Philippines 4 months ago, and she is very nice. She came with me to Idaho on a road trip. She has an inspiring story. Another friend from church is Rowena. She is a divorcee from UK. She is very girly, and we connect on so many levels. Both these girls are caring and God-fearing. I hope our friendship flourishes.

Here's a toast for a good year! There are 5 more months til December! It's fast!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Happy New Year!

It's the end of the first month of the year, and yes, happy new year to you! I did not get a chance to update you when the year started. So many things are going on.


Cinzia already had two baby sitters this year. She started off with this lady who is also taking care of my co-teacher's son, but then after 2 weeks, she said it was too much for her to take care of two toddlers. Then we met Delia, a lady who lives 5 mins from my school. Alex likes her. Cinzia is with her now 5x a week, and we pay her $120 a week. It was a little too much for me because Cinzia only stays with her until 12:30 p.m. when her school bus picks her up. I pick her up every afternoon.

Cinzia has improved a lot since she started getting therapy. Her vocabulary and speech are very good. She is more expressive now. I spend more time with her now too. I quit all my tutoring engagements last year to spend more time with her. Now, she is happier, we're closer, and I am also happy that I spend more time with her.


Marriage? It's still in the works. Alex and I have been going to a marriage counselor since the year started. I am not ashamed to say that. We really needed help so we'd understand each other more. Marriage is not easy, and there are so many changes going on in the union. Some of them are good, some not so good. Our experiences in the past 7 years have taken a toll on us. We are trying to be better in marriage because we still love each other, and we have a lovely daughter who does not deserve a broken family.


Dreams? I am currently reviewing for the LSAT. I will be taking it in June. I want to start this fall at LaVerne Law School. The only thing I am concerned about is the change my absence every night will affect our family life. Cinzia needs me. It is just different when moms are at home taking care of the kids.


I have changed. The Rica when I was 24 is not the same Rica at present. I know myself more now. I realized I am not a homebody. I like going out to hang out with friends, watch the sunset, drive around, or just see new places. I like being busy. I am also not a house wife material. Sure, I like my house organized and clean. I do the house chores, I take care of Cinzia, but I also like to work, earn money, reach my full potential. And if someone hired can clean my house, that would be really great. At work, I need to be challenged. I am not learning anything new at my job. (My kids are learning, but I am not.) I also need growth.

I realized there are only two goals one should have: serve God in any way (dynamic church, sing praises, and worship Him anywhere) AND have fun in life (travel, study, laugh, hang out with friends).


I hope this year will be a productive and eventful year for my marriage, for me personally, and for Cinzia.