Hello!

This is so sad because my last post was 1.5 years ago. I have become delinquent. I want to go back to blogging again because this is one of the ways I get to be in tune with myself. I get to talk to myself and express my innermost feelings. So many blessings and trials came since 1.5 years ago. I hope they all made me a better and wiser person. Maybe they did, maybe they did not.

1. Being a mom

Motherhood is hard. It has been a bittersweet experience for me because there were times I did not want to be with her, and there were times I missed her so much. My immaturity and unreadiness to be a mom sometimes overpowered me. I do love Cinzia so much. I just feel like sometimes I am not enough and I feel guilty for that. I read that many moms feel this way - that we are not enough. She is in Kindergarten now and has bloomed to be a fun-loving, playful, hardworking, beautiful girl. She has become my priority. There are times that I mess up as a mom, and I make not-so-wise decisions in dealing with her, but I think that is part of motherhood. God gave me to Cinzia and vice-versa, including our weaknesses and mistakes. This fact alone comforts me. Cinzia is for me, and I for her.

Baby no. 2? Everybody is asking. Well, I do not know. Alex and I are controlling because (maybe) we do not want another one. However, the oven is not officially closed yet. Sometimes, I want to have another one. I know deep inside my heart it is not good for Cinzia to be the only child. Honestly, pregnancy and giving birth scare me. I feel that I am not strong enough for this kind of endeavor. Who knows? We shall see.

2. Being a wife

We are going to celebrate our 10th anniversary this September! I am excited, actually. I just want to thank God for everything He has given us. Alex and I went through so much in the past 10 years. Our 10 years of togetherness are worthy of celebration and thanksgiving. To be honest with you, I messed up big time as a wife. Maybe I held too much expectation for myself. But I know God forgives me, Alex forgives me, so I have to forgive myself too. Alex and I are one, despite whatever we're going through.

3. Being a student

I decided to pursue Doctorate studies, instead of going to law school (As I said, Cinzia is the priority). It has been keeping me busy. I have been getting As, then Bs, and then this last quarter, INC. This is not the Rica I know. I am going to try harder again.

4. Being a teacher

7th year now! Wohoo! I still enjoy it. They moved me to 6th grade. I am planning to get to year 10 before I change jobs for the better. I am certain my Doctorate will pave ways.

5. Church life

Now that my dad is here, we have started going to Glendale Filipino. It is a great church. I like their pastor and members. Mama and Papa want to transfer their membership there. Alex still goes to Garden Grove and Burbank, and so I am not ready to move my membership there. I still long for the day Alex, Cinzia, and I could go to one church.

6. Travel

Travel is a big part of me. Last year, I went to London and Amsterdam. It was a great experience. This year, I am not going overseas. We plan on going to Disneyland this Spring Break (for Cinzia) and Chicago (for a teacher's conference). I plan on taking Cinzia with me to Chicago and road trip around the city. We are also getting ready for the big 10th renewal.

Now, that I have shared with you my innermost thoughts and feelings, I feel better. Thanks for being there, blog. It has been 13 years. Wow.